The Glorious New Regime will not be televised.
The Glorious New Regime will not feature a half-time show
with musicians pretending to play instruments.
The Glorious New Regime will not be brought to you in
partnership with, or with the kind support of, its sponsors.
The Glorious New Regime will not bring you peace of mind.
The Glorious New Regime will not whiten your teeth.
The Glorious New Regime will not tell you that the world is
yours, or that you are worth it, or that you can do anything. The Glorious New Regime respects you too
much for that.
The Glorious New Regime will not like your status, comment
on your status, or
re-post your status.
The Glorious New Regime will not chuckle when you mention
something funny your child said, nor will The Glorious New Regime agree that
“kids say the funniest things ha ha ha.”
The Glorious New Regime will not ask you to sign its
petition, or to share it with your friends.
The Glorious New Regime will not pass your information on to
carefully selected third parties.
The Glorious New Regime will not present candidates to the
electorate for approval.
The Glorious New Regime will not put its papers through your
door.
The Glorious New Regime will not be endorsed by celebrity
friends, or hang out in a trendy London nightspot with a floppy-fringed
teenaged starlet.
The Glorious New Regime would not like to know how you think
it is doing, nor will The Glorious New Regime ask what you are thinking.
The Glorious New Regime will not present its own theory on
how Sherlock got out of that one, or whether Harry should have finally got
together with Hermione, because The Glorious New Regime will be in the street
looking for a brighter day:
The Glorious New Regime will not be televised.
The Glorious New Regime will not compete with BBC pundits in
predicting the outcome of Saturday’s Premiership games.
The Glorious New Regime will not keep up with the latest
news or trends.
The Glorious New Regime will not nominate you to neck
anything.
The Glorious New Regime will not go halfs with you on a
gram.
The Glorious New Regime will not push you in a shopping
trolley down a side street in the West End and laugh when you fall out of it.
The Glorious New Regime will not cheer when someone breaks a
glass.
The Glorious New Regime will not shout for an encore, even
if you haven’t played your big hit yet.
The Glorious New Regime will not keep you up-to-date with
all its news.
The Glorious New Regime will not be televised, but not
because people do not watch television any more.
The Glorious New Regime will not shed a tear for dying/dead
cultural industries.
The Glorious New Regime will not force Clayton Blizzard or
his products on you.
The Glorious New Regime will show you Clayton Blizzard, and
point at things he has done or is doing.
The Glorious New Regime will create its own cultural
industries.
The Glorious New Regime will always refer to itself in the
(impersonal, singular) third person.
The Glorious New Regime will respect your privacy.
The Glorious New Regime will keep its counsel.
The Glorious New Regime will be whatever you want it to be.
The Glorious New Regime will ride you out of town on a rail
if The Glorious New Regime does not get what The Glorious New Regime wants.
We are The Glorious New Regime and We Are Taking Over.
(One self-regarding blog at a time.)
PEACE
The Glorious New Regime
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