Looking
through the line-up for a festival a while back, three things about the list of
bands leapt instantly to mind:
I know
personally three of the people on the list.
I have heard
of almost no other act on the list.
(Slowdive (!) were one of the very few, out of about a hundred.)
There are
some fucking awful band names on the list.
In fact, almost all of them are absolutely terrible.
And so,
having thought these thoughts, I came to the following conclusions:
I would like
to see my friends more, with or without bands.
I should
probably listen to more new music.
I can
probably think of a thousand band names better than the shite ones people actually
choose.
Also, I
recently included in a lyric, for a new song, a reference to the above
claim. So, to make good on this lyrical
boast, here it is: the final part of A Thousand Brilliant Band Names…
YOU’RE
WELCOME
Acknowledgements
must go to the following, without whom…
McNeil
(special mention for 3am texts with lists of names of varying quality)
Eeva
Blade*
D.Leaver*
Meader*
GRhymes*
Ez*
Adge
Benny P
Other Ben
R Kid
Liz
Gerry
Chandler
Josie
Dr J
Tina H
Stace
And almost
anyone I’ve spoken to (about anything, related or unrelated to this list) in
the last few months.
A Thousand Brilliant Band Names (Part Four)
Hair Port Convention
Airport Convention
Dee Cider
The Karl Poppers
Scratch-proof Baby
Angie O’Gramme
Administrative Nightmare
Bi-Annual
Flexi Debt
Nightshift
Ill Night Shift
Instead
Business Improvement District
Secured By Design
Natural Surveillance
Insert Cool Band Name Here
The Great T-Shirt Ideas
Paste Slogan Here
Slogan Against Order
Glamorgan Offenders
Clipart
WordArt
The Syllables
Adam & The Holograms
Hollow Grammes
Ethel Alcohol
The Miserable Bus Drivers
The Mechanics Of The Social System
The PLOW (Physical Limits Of the World)
Battlefield Medicine
The Oxymorons
Toasted Buns
Oman
Crowmen
Funk As Puck
Every Pop Song Ever
Branston Fickle
Hello Swansea
Righteous Granola
Zenith St Petersburg
Fisty Mog
Moggy Fist
Bleedin’ Heaps
The End Days
Conker Conquerers
Jimmy & The Corkhills
Corker!
The Belters
Ben & The Uncles
President O & The Red Lines
Moxie Kid
The Ergonomic Arms
The Acknowledgements
#js
Yeah?
Ye Yea Yeah? YEAH!
Pile Of Children
The Critical Kids
Cloth Thing
Greetings In Braille
Hello In Semaphore
Betty Bourgoisie
Civil Cervix
Haughty Culturalist
Non League
Erroneous Takeaway
Gateshead Revisited
Shitty Eclipse
Celestial Letdown
Crimea River
Patrick Thistle
Godlessfather
Everything Means Vagina
G.Listen
Brains In Jars
Giant Mantis
Meat & Physics
Hold Music
The Unlikely Dads
Dust & Moonlight
Inexplicable Sadness
Methadone Bhajees
Heroin Samosas
Rattle Me Nipples
Giving It Large
The Beleaguered Electorate
Slushy Parade
Worst Band Name Ever
Join Us After The Break
Micro Waving
Strip Lighting Nightmare
Everyoffice
The Mediocre Mothers
Pacifier
Yeast Emergency
Clamouring Turds
Cockoffany
Selfrecockingspect
Cock Off
The Auto Corrects
Autotuned
Rebel Zebedee
St Louis Misery
Main Stage Mainstays
The Applicants
The Supplicants
Slippery Slope
Islamic Sate In Stroud
Temporary Staff Unit
False Festival
Weaklings
Overlings
The Sleepy Resistance
The Clarkson Injustice
Rapid Loaf
Smashing Garages
Grande Raciste
Paul Knight-Long
Brian Tumour
Post-Head-Butt
Kristal Phallus
Unnecessary Flute
Bubbling Gordon
Hebrew Language Rappers
The Darkies
Hilarious Accent
Sheath Fixation
Refurb Madness
Substandard Full Size Render
Mumbo #5
Jumbo #6
Portishead & Shoulders
Portisknees & Toes
Pixels & Plasticine
The Beagles
The Beatles In The 60s
The Beatles In Their 60s
Y-Cleft
Will & The Ferals
Demetri Martin Was OK
French Roll
Topknot & The Twats
Kylie Monologue
Four Band Bill
The Wretched Of The Earth
Spam Fritter
Cocacoma
Biscuit Of The Week
Wagon Wheel Jam Insertion Project
UOK Hun
Weaklings
Content Providers
Canny Lake
UOK Hun
Slash Moustache
Polytechnic Climbing club
Heron Pencil
Hickory Bro
Old Factories
Olfactory Savant
Servants
Servile
Rebellious Scots To Crush
Giant Debilitating Crush
GDP (Giant Debilitating Pain)
Confluence
Lunatic Pauper Palace
Cubist Poetry
Creshendall
Jimmy Quip Meant
Wounded Neil
Similar Veins
Simian Vain
Clownporn
Pretty Cunts
The Ugly Vaginas
Waistcoat
Four Cunts & A Violinist
Stood Aghast
Beyond Shite
Absolute Gash
Jingoist Massive
Pi In the Sky
Twelve Decimal Places
Sum
Suggestions
Dover
and Gout
Brunels
Suspenders Hitch
Jimmy
Quipment and The Treadmills
Nothing
Rhymes With Lozenge
Annual
Leaf
Romans
Go Home
Cold
Chips
Fuck
Off Poetry
Moth
Safari
Karma
Racket
A
Sartorial Disgrace
Elegant
Wasters
Guestlist
Fantastic
Opportunity
What
Time You On?
Yawn
Winning At Names
Beige
Cheesebored
Both Ians
Dark Wash
Unionist J
Boom!
Album Lunch
Battery Clowns
Buttery Clowns
Euro Scent
Germ-Infested Rag
Jermaine Shepherd & The Germ Warfare
Bottle Of Greers
Solid Shame
Have You Seen My Keys?
Back On Form
FTMP (Full Time
Music Professionals)
#reallymakesyouthink
Larynx
Drop D & The Tunings
Bathe
Whoops
Milky Bar Chords
The Market Of Ideas
The Murderous Crows
Towering Giraffes
The Crashing Rhinos
Lifepipes
Well Contemporary
Ferocious Grip
Black Plastic Crap
Band Name Generator
Pow!
POW Prisoner Of Wales
POW (Prince Of War)
Onomatopoeic Acronym
Frisbee Injury
Feedback Loop
The Dead Metaphors
Synonym Buns
Insect Coliseum
Alan Sheardust & The Starlings
Crashing Symbols
The Science Of Words
Natalie Embargo
Gates Of Hull
Frannie Lee & The Land Of The Free
Onion Pumps
Drummist
Islamic State In Stroud
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