Simon: This is gaunnae
be nervy, this wan, Pat.
Pat: Aye,
squeaky bum time right enough!
S: Whiddae
ye make ay aw this Palestine stuff – wavin the flags in the first game, n aw
that?
P: Whit’s aw
the fuss? This is Celtic. This isnae like other clubs –
S: Still
need tae follow the rules, but.
P: Aye,
awright, just sayin if thur gaunnae fine us fur waving a few flags, fuck
them. Palestine’s
a member ay FIFA fur fuck sakes – ur they gaunnae fine anybdy fur huvin an
Irish flag, or a Scottish wan, or a
bloody Peru flag or whatever? Naw. So
it’s just bloody racist, simple as
that.
S: Ye canny
break the rules ay the competition an expect tae git away wi it – that’s whit
the Huns done n the SFA let
them pretend it’s never happened! N
we’re aw giein them pelters fur it –
P: Quite
right n aw –
S: Aw, aye,
too bloody right. But we aw know UEFA’s
gaunnae do us fur it, so why bother? Is
it gaunnae help Palestinians fur a
fitba team tae get fined?
P: Aye,
well, it might – solidarity, man! N haud
on the noo – talkin aboot wipin countries affay the map, where the fuck is Palestine? It’s no a nation state, so ye cannae wave
thur flag – meanwhile, ye
could huv a Saudi flag an ye’d be awright.
‘S no fuckin fair, no by any standards. [Looking to the TV] Moan, Sellick! This is shite! Get yer arse in gear!
S: Aye, wur
struggling here, makin hard work ay it – we should be beatin this shower easy. Bloody
Israeli champions, shite!
P: Aye, n
that’s another thing – how are Israel in Europe?
S: Naw, naw,
hang on, that’s cos aw the Arab teams wouldnae play Israel, they don’t
recognise Israel, so whit kin they
dae? Fairs fair, like – they’ve a right
to play fitba, whitever else is gaun
oan…
P: Aye,
well, mibbe.
S: Nae mibbe
aboot it! Who’s been bloody racist
now? If they cannae play cos they’re
Israeli?
P: What
aboot South Africa? They were barred
ootay everythin cos ay Apartheid! N it
aw helped get rid ay they basturts.
S: This
isnae like that, Pat.
P: How
no? Mandela says it wis.
S: [suddenly
turning back to TV] OOH, YA BASTURT!
That wis nearly in there! We
could get beat here, n nae
mistake. We’re playin mince.
P: Cannae
separate sport n politics, everythin’s politics! Mind ay the Wurld Cup in Argentina? They
were a military dictatorship, tryin tae look aw legitimate n that – n they
waant tae ban Russia fae the
Olympics? Tell us that’s no political,
fuck sakes.
S: Aye,
well, ah mean…
P: N who
gits fudin fur their sport, n who disnae?
N who gits put oan telly? Tell
Muhammad Ali no tae mix sport
n politics! Git yersel away tae fuck, he’d tell ye!
S: Well…
P: ‘Hing is n aw, if ye try tae keep
football oot ay politics, guess who will waant tae get in there? Aw they right-wing cunts that used tae run
aboot English games batterin people and attacking black people an aw that shite
– they’ll be pleased tae huv a political vacuum tae run intae!
S: We’ve
nane ay thaim at Celtic, man!
P: Naw, ah
know that fine well, ah’m sayin other places, but.
S: Aye, yer
mibbe right there. Cannae go back tae
the bad old days wi the England fans abusing thur
ain black players, eh?
P: [at the
TV] ‘Moan, Sellick, let’s git stuck intae these!
S: Cannae
dae things easy, eh? Goat tae gie us aw
a heart attack furst…never ever dae things easy,
dae we? Nivir ivir.
Later….
P: YES, YA
DANCER! Cannae believe we goat away wi
that!
S: Right,
well, that’s us scraped through – now whit, dae we git the Palestinian flags
oot fur the group games or whit? Get fined every month?
P: They’ll
be sellin them ootside the groond – “’Moan now, git yer Palestinian flags, just £80,000 each!”
S: Haha,
nice one.
P: Ah’m
proud ay the fans fur raisin aw that money fur the charities, but, that wis a
perfect response to aw they
UEFA fines. Best fitba fans in the whail
world, man.
S: Aye, awright,
ah’ll drink tae that
P: Aye, very
good – your round but.
S: Uh-huh. Same again?
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