Friday, 22 February 2013

My Life As A Stand-Up Comedian

 Following on from a running theme – that of me talking more playing less at gigs,  making a gradual transition to stand-up comedy…

I’ve always been tempted to be a comedian – after all, who’s happier and more generous of spirit than a stand-up comedian?
Anyway, I don’t think I should, because most of my act would be like this:

How come 90% of taxi drivers are foreign, and the other 10% are massively racist?
They must have interesting works nights out….it’s probably like Cable Street, 1936.
No one gets that, it pre-supposes at least a passing knowledge of British social and political history. 
Most successful comedians prefer an intimate knowledge of pub toilets, or Children’s TV programmes from the 80s, don’t they?

There’s too much choice now, isn’t there?
When I was a child, there was three flavours of crisps, right. 
And two of them were rubbish.
There was plain (or ready salted – a complete misnomer, both grammatically and as a flavour of crisps), cheese ‘n’ onion and salt ‘n’ vinegar (both also a grammatical and culinary disappointment).

Also, how come everyone has to turn around to say something?  Can’t we just face the person we’re speaking to?

And another thing: what’s with this airline food….?

So, that’s why I probably shouldn’t be a stand-up.

Next week’s attempt at observational comedy will include me noticing something that you’ve noticed but never thought to comment on.  Because you’re not a professional comedian, are you?
You’d never think to comment on something amusing but ultimately inconsequential that you’ve noticed…

You’ve either got it or you haven’t.

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