Election Reaction

I’m so totally bored of writing about the election.

I’m not doing it.

I’m serious.

The worst thing about the election is that it has made me utterly bored of political wrangling, whereas absolutely everyone else suddenly has an opinion about everything.  I feel like one of those people who sneers at anyone who prefers a band’s second album, or their most popular one, because I like their earlier work.

This is especially shit on my part because while I’m discussing mainstream coverage of mainstream politics, I didn’t even like their early work.  I fucking hated it.  And lots and lots of other people didn’t seem bothered. 

Also, I’ve used that analogy before, but probably in a much better way.  I’m tired, is it obvious?

It is to me.

Well, alright then, everyone else has written about the election, so why shouldn’t I?

I didn’t want to, of course.

But I’ll do it, in the same spirit I might watch the news: it will probably get me all riled up, but for ineffable reasons I feel like I should, at least once in a while, see what the rest of the world thinks/wants me to think.

And maybe I need riling…(you don’t, by the look of you, you’re riled enough.)

So, in lieu of having to think about this/deal with the depressing reality of the situation/say anything interesting myself, I’ve collected some of the liveliest “debate” from the internet, reactions to the election results and the fallout and the seemingly-infinite number of articles screaming at us that WE’RE ALL FUCKED NOW, the most hysterical of which are written by people who seem to be writing about politics for the first time.  Possibly for their Politics A Level.

(In fairness to the internet, it did not invent eejits or tabloid columnists, it just gave them another platform.  And a credulous audience.  And a loudspeaker.  And all the money.)

So, now that the dust has settled and we’re all bracing ourselves for The End Of Civilisation, I present:  A snapshot of the election fallout, in the hours and days following the result – and overheard on buses, on streets, or read in text messages, tweets and comment pages…

Election Night Tweets

@voiceoftreason

stop the clocks were all fucked.

@majorcurrylove
Surely this is the end of the Labour Party; the most ineffectual opposition ever, fighting a deeply unpopular govt who promise more deeply unpopular policies...an even worse result than 1992.

@remedia

breaking news: In contest between two evils, the greater evil wins a resounding victory

@reelmedial

Warmongering former working-class representative sell-out charlatans vs Radical Crusading, Poor-Hating Class Warriors

@mpwatch

“It’s only right and proper that…” is the politician’s equivalent of “I’m not racist or anything, but…”

@oldtrot

“It was No Win: Life would not be better for many people if Labour had won but it will be much worse for almost everyone because Tories won”

@unione

“Even with all the free publicity from the BBC, Farage still can’t win, but even that is no consolation for a horrific night”

@youngtrot

the labour leadership should be shot at dawn.  A safe pair of hands would have won this election with a landslide…#epicfail

@ghostofthatcher

Boom! Take THAT, hippies, commies and chavs – the war is over and YOU LOST

@hotcurrie

the left are waiting for a hand to appear out of the sky and lift Cameron up off the planet - it’s the best plan they’ve had for ten years

@whyriot

“the economy” is a hostage situation in which the population is made dependent on a small minority through implicit threat of violence.

@whyriot

ditto the election

@t-boy

All these lefties moaning about the result make me laugh. They wouldnt be talkin about legitimacy and mandates if labour had won, would they? No.

@theretheir

Thatcher is a cunt. #80sretro

@trupatriot

That’s it im leaving the country

Facebook posts (Names removed)

Reasons to be cheerful….umm….Farage, Clegg, Miliband: all gone.

Although they will all surely be replaced by some ambitious charlatans from the rank & file of their godawful, disgusting and entirely discredited parties. So actually not that good a reson in fact.

Thing is, it mostly depends on what we do next, just as it would whoever had won this farcical shitshower. Hug your children, teach them compassion.  Look out for your neighbours.  Take care of each other.  Were all gonna need some help in the coming years.  Good luck people.

So, in the “battle” of Capitalism vs Capitalism, Capitalism won.  Don’t expect ME to get upset about it.  The struggle remains the same.  CLASS WAR, muthafuckas.  We didn’t start it, but its ON.

Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck. Why Britain, WHY?

Why all the shock, kids?  A British general election is the ultimate example of Chomsky’s “anything is permissible – within narrow boundaries” theory of thought control in free societies.  Without a seismic shift BEFORE the election, it was only ever likely to deliver a 10p mix-up of bland administrators and a few ideologues all working to deliver the corporate agenda they’ve been working on for decades.

[Comment] Well, yeah, but the shock is due to the fact that it’s the WORSE of two evils that won.

Meanwhile, in The Real World….

Text from a friend:

“Douglas Alexander beaten by a 20 year-old student in a safe Labour seat – best result for Paisley since St Mirren won the Scottish Cup!  27% swing!  Stitch that ya smarmy cunt!”

Unknown Stand-up comedian, Open Mic night:

“Oh, SHIT. This could be a catastrophe. Britain finds someone robbing the house and points out where all the valuables are. And then hands the robbers a weapon, and lays down on the floor in front of them. And tells them which of the neighbours don't have alarm systems. And which of the local pensioners keep their life savings in cash under their mattresses because they don't trust banks. Oh, I've killed the analogy? Well, you voted in the Tories, which is MUCH FUCKING WORSE.

So, FUCK YOU.”