Thursday, 21 August 2014

My Trip To Berlin (If I Was A Young Trendy Person Who Writes For Vice)

We Went On Holiday To Berlin
Or, My Trip To Berlin If I Was A Young Trendy Person Who Writes For Vice*

*(I'm not, obviously.  But if you want to help me pretend I am, comment below as to which sounds best from the summaries above, and I'll develop your favourite.)

We Cycled Across Town Drunk
Our friend lent us a couple of bikes and led us on a pleasant cycle to a neighbourhood across town, through a nice park that Nazis used to use as an airport.
Then we had some drinks and cycled back in the dark, all wobbling around and cursing our impulsiveness.  Ah, well.  Live and learn (or, if you're older, live and make the same mistakes on a regular basis...)

We Jived At A Nazi Airport
Templehof Airport was born in the 1920s and extensively re-built by the Nazi government in the 1930s.  There's a building on the site that looks like an old office block, and we went there for a Saturday night Rock n Roll extravaganza.
We tried to dance the jive.  Some of us cannot jive.

We Never Paid For Tickets
Because we never got checked - they don't check in Berlin.  CRAZY, isn't it?  There are no barriers on the U-bahn or S-bahn underground trains, or the trams.  Can you imagine that in London, where we live(d), where everyone should live?
The poor, trusting, sweet, naive German transport system...
We wondered if anyone ever pays.

We Saw An English Comedy Night
English language comedy is a thing in Berlin.
An actual thing.
There are enough comedians from English-speaking countries and enough comedians that speak English well enough as a second language and they've all got jokes about living in Berlin that locals who also understand English very well will like.

We Drank Green Beer
And it was alright, we suppose.  It seems a waste of a perfectly good beer to put bright green sherbet in it, but that's what they do. Apparently it's a Berlin speciality, like Currywurst.  Frankly, I like almost everything about Berlin except those two things.  Maybe they say that just to take the piss out of tourists.

We Ate German Food And Didn't Particularly Like It
German beer is superb.
There's a reason it is exported and enjoyed all over the place.
There's also a reason there aren't German restaurants all over the place.

Which of the above articles would you commission for Vice?
Please state your preference below - if anyone does bother, maybe I'll write the full version someday....and publish it (not in Vice.  Unless they want it.  Which they won't.)


  1. 'We Jived At A Nazi Airport'
    perfect for vice, chance to talk about gentrification like its something they hate whilst they swan around enjoying the sights and sounds of poor neighborhoods that have been gentrified to the trendy young person level they enjoy.

  2. Citizen Anonymous: Thank You for fulfilling your democratic duty. Your vote has been counted. Peace.